The afternoon session or the group sitting as we call it, went off well. Post the ten minutes break most of the participants came back around 3:35 p:m. There were instructions being played in the voice of Goneka Ji that continued for about 20 minutes or so. The Assistant Teachers left quietly after the instructions were over. All of Vipassana technique though scientific in nature, may come across as very irrational or way too difficult to follow, understand and adhere to. The simple reason for this perplexing and constant irritation is in the fact that this technique teaches and shows you how to observe the mind and matter phenomenon with the help of your breath.
As you get involved with the technique, an interesting process begins immediately that starts it work and you come to an instant realization about the strength and the power of the technique in no time. As you move further and open up yourself to an experience all to new and within the precincts of your body; a new desire seems to crop up soon; that for tasting the nectar of Nibbana or Enlightenment.
Soon you start working harder, putting your heart and soul into the practice and start waiting for the moment that will bring you closer to Enlightenment. Session after session, day after day and sometimes course after course; you add another thing to your wish list or the waiting list. Yes, you now start working or waiting for Enlightenment. Enlightenment that will take you across to the other shore of the realm.
While waiting for the same and as I was observing the Meditators slip out of the Hall, I started wondering what was going on in their minds and if it was same as what was inside my brain/mind. I realized that Everyone is waiting and always. After 4:00 p:m once the teacher leaves the Dhamma Hall- The movement of the mediators while they are on their cushions clearly reflects the state of mind and being- as in waiting for 5:00 p:m- When the Gong goes ballistic announcing the end of the session and the break for evening tea.
As a server in the course my duty was close to the exit gate and I was observing my mind since morning from one hour to the next how thought come and go through this internal door and I had noticed that actually nothing changes other than my thoughts and sensations. All that appears to move and shake in within in the four walls of the body. All that is permanent is just outside, and in immediate and as close as the body itself. It is stuck so to say right into your face. And that waiting for Enlightenment is what spoils the game and keeps you away from it.
As meditators tip-toed out of the Hall within 30 secs of the gong. I had a big smile on my face with each passing step coming closer. Everyone took a sigh of relief for the waiting at 5:00 p:m was over but the same was short lived as they in the next moment realize that now they are waiting for the 6:00 p:m when the break ends and the last session of the day begins. Hence quietly and unknowingly everyone falls into the trap without even realizing the same. And my joy had no limits in that moment for the Enlightenment had finally struck me at 5:00 p:m- I was not in waiting anymore for anyone or anything. It all came to me in here and now, then and there.
A lot has been said and written about sexual abuse and we see a story everyday surfacing about a child, toddler and now even an infant being molested or abused.
I also read these episodes like you all do. There is a slight difference though in the way I get affected, for the simple reason I too experienced the same in my childhood and of the worse kind’s one can imagine.
Though I have no regrets now or any ill feelings about the same for off late I have come to grips with the reality and reasoning behind the same and hence the courage to start and share a dialogue about the same.
The first question is what is Child Abuse? Is the abuse in the episode of physical man-handling and molestation or other acts?
Well, not at all my friends. The real abuse for a victim or the survivor starts once the so called abuse ends or the so called first abuser disappears from the scene.
The real and the actual abuse starts when the person who under goes this kind of out of the world, out of sync with time episode- comes to the realisation of the same and when he starts to figure about.
The real abuse arises in the shame that you go through when you have to share and tell someone what has happened.
The real abuse starts and begins when the person or the protector in an effort to fix or address the issue makes hue and cry and tries to draw everyone’s attention to what had happened- that is when the real abuse of the victim happens and more so in case of an innocent child for he/she does not know how to act or react and is at a loss with self and surroundings that stays with him forever.
The real abuse starts when he sees people staring at him, or ask him about what happened and he is either explaining back or thinking what to do. That is real abuse to go over the horrible experience over and over again in your head.
The real abuse starts when you continue to grow and are not being counselled and treated and given a proper explanation of what had happened.
The real abuse starts when everyone else around you starts behaving as if everything is back to normal. For in reality, for the abused or the victim the reality is never the same as it is for the non-abused. And it never changes or shapes you accordingly as an individual.
The real abuse starts when you have to learn to come to terms with it and in absence of the right tools that can help you look at things in a more equanimous and a more balanced way.
The list is endless and I can go on and on…..
The only request is that please be sensitive when you share, post and see these reports of child abuse, molestation cases and do not just do that much and stop there.
For if you really care and wish to express your anger, disgust and hatred don’t do it towards the victimizer or the culprit, show it towards what the victim must be going through and think of the needs of the child who has gone through the horrible experience.
Help by creating and circulating post around the well being of the victim and try to find out what was or is being done to help them recuperate.
Let’s create discourse and dialogue around and about the solutions and not just focus on the problem for if not done this becomes a lifelong abuse for the victim that they see and observe silently to die one day.
We are in a time when things, are changing and moving in a positive direction. We need change agents who can do more then just sit around and read these post and just share or not even share.
We need to create post and channels to find what the parents or the families are doing for the victim and how can us as outsiders help them.
For these are difficult things to handle for the best of the professionals and need a space and courage from the part of the society to let these things to mature and reach some fruitful conclusions.
I write to you as a victim of Child molestation, as a victim of the abuse that I went through and that started after the episode was over, I WRITE to you as a survivor and as a solution provider. And you all, the society is the key part of the solution. This will fail to work without your support and collective action….
All this is based on my lifelong pain that I experienced till I Found the courage to speak about it.
This is the first step in the direction to say Good bye to those painful memories and the final would be only when we are able to Address constructively and meaningfully the healing process for those who go through these life changing experiences.
When are are able to create dialogue, discourse, system and infrastructure to address the needs of the survivors and not focus on the perpetrators and the punishment.
Hi welcome to the first edition of a new Series on How to handle your False Domestic Violence and False Dowry or 498 cases.
My name is Kandarp Jain and I am going to take you through the introductory pack of this great series that will make you self-reliant, confident, comfortable and happy about your otherwise depressing situation and give you some simple, easy to implement practical tips on how to handle the situation and prepare for the future without losing your mind and money.
This series is made of doable, self-help tips to combat unsolicited advice that comes flying from all quarters when you are embroiled in a battle to prove your innocence against the false, slimy allegation levelled against you and your family by none other than your own spouse.
Since I have been there and done that I can vouch that I can relate to the intense emotional, physiological pain that you might be going through right now as you probably trying to find the ground beneath your feet, I would say that hold on for this too shall pass, and just make a list of all the things that you need help with.
To make things a little easier for you we have this kit divided into five major Consequence Units or sub sections covering the major areas that are currently under threat and they are namely:
- Emotional Consequences
- Psychological Consequences
- Financial Consequences
- Legal Consequences
- Relationship Consequences
Depending on the stage of revelation you are we have a Basic Kit that would help you ascertain the situation you are in and help you identity if you are headed towards a false dowry or a false domestic violence kit and the idea behind these units is to help the victim prepare as the drama is unfolding and to be able to come to grips gradually and eventually be in a position where the shock value is mitigated in the long run and a sound defence mechanism and system to support is in place to help you rescue and restart life again without a break down in between.
If you can relate to and feel that this can be of any help to you in your fight against the humiliation, torture and harassment that you are going through at the hands of false domestic and dowry case, I request you to please click on the below link that gives you access to the first series of three to four minute videos for more details and information.
Till then, be good and Be Happy!